I write now and while my girls will tell you they hate to read, written words work for them both real well. At 11 and 8, sometimes wonder whether or not I am doing a good job with them. And when I think I am failing miserably a little something shines through letting me know I have done something right. Mornings we chat in the car on the way to school or daycare or Nana and Poppys. I am fresh in the morning and they are too. Conversations are bright and fun unless of couse one of us has gotten up from the wrong side of the bed. But I listen to their chatter. Moments when they are not bickering over something and enjoy the little women they are becoming. Wise to things at an earlier age than me. Smart in school. But my oldest has a cell phone...yes kind of you for it but it is second hand and she goes to middle school in less than a month. I want contact so the phone is for me though I have already had to handle an issue with girl drama because of the phone. Thst lesson was learned I hope. So when she texts me it seems all is a pile of complaints and I must filter through the tattle tale issues to pull out the real issue. Todays concerns were minimal her day not going as she wants and the rules not to her liking. So I didnt play into the issues but instead turned them around for her and gave her something to think about.
"Is this really important or something not worth stressing over and ruining your day?"
Her answer was of course still in support of griping about the issue.
"You do know this is small and you have a choice. It isn't about the rules. It is about how you react to the rules and that my dear is your choice. So you can decide if this is a good or bad day."
Still on the negative but thinking.
"Seriously you decide this. Is this small thing worth the fight or would you rather let it go and enjoy your day. Save your fights for the things that really need to be fought over and then discuss them instead of ranting."
Thoughts and a slow response of "OK."
"Learn this as a life lesson. Let the small things go and learn to listen. There is a reason for the rules. But if everything in your life is a fight...maybe you should look at yourself."
Quick response. "OK mom."
"Have a great day. Choose to have a great day
Later she thanked me when we discussed it in person.
"So how was your day?"
"Did you decide it was good?"
"Did you think about what I said?"
"So if your day turned good you must have made it that way."
"Yep. Thanks mom."
Not sure that was good or a quick way of saying I am done with this conversation but she smiled in spite of herself.
Win win? Yep.